return my video game
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
