is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
