I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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