pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
