Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
