I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize