I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i dont even know how to be here
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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