i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
