the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
