She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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