It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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