Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if only i could text you this smell
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize