Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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