i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
