whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
