wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
