this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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