apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
