his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
