dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
