"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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