Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
