Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
