smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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