swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
