I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
