I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
