Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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