Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
