Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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