So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
PANTIES FOUND
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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