I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize