i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize