Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
