Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
