Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
