Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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