I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
