when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
