there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
