This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
