god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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