six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
