I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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