gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
