Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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