dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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