Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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