better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My penis needs a shock collar
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
