I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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