I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
