they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
