i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
