Buhtt sex?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found puke in my bra..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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