I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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