Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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