I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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