i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
