so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
