Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
