It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
