just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
