I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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