Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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