it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
These tits shall not be calmed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
