I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pants are for mortals
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
