can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
wow bdsm is so cute
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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