She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
