Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
