We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
