chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
