She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As shirtless as possible
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
