If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
