Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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