Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
