This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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